I've recently taken up Yoga. I am amazed at how quickly it has become a part of who I am. One of my favorite poses is Tree Pose or Vrksasana . What I love is that it's about strength and balance. When I first began for some reason I could not do this pose for the life of me. I felt like such an idiot. Who can't stand on one foot for at least a minute? Apparently I couldn't. I could do so many other poses but when it came to balancing I'd always topple over. During Yoga class one night my instructor said something that helped me on so many levels. She said that to be able to hold a balancing pose for longer than a few seconds we need to find a spot to focus on and to completely free our mind from anything else going on except for that spot. The moment we turn our attention to anything else, even if it is only inwardly, we will inevitably start to feel out of balance and eventually fall out of the pose. What was interesting to me was having an inner focus as well as an outer focus. She said that as time passes we will be able to widen our range of awareness and be able to notice what is going on around us without losing our balance.
I love how applicable this in my life. All my life I've always felt somewhat out of balance. Especially in recent years. Being the mother of 3 lovely but demanding daughters (5 and under) and also the wife of amazing husband who works and goes to school full time, can be exhausting. Cleaning, Teaching, Budgeting, Playing, Disciplining, Cooking, Bathing Kids, Laundry. The list goes on. Did I mention church callings too? And while I'm juggling the present, I am trying to sort out pain from my past. Why my dad committed suicide and why my mom and step-dad withdrew emotionally during a time when I needed them most. I'm in the process of coming to understand my parents and coming to forgive them. I am learning to love them despite their weaknesses and learning to love myself despite mine. I've been reading self help books, meditating, doing yoga, reading the scriptures, journaling, and pouring out my heart to the Savior.
All these things are necessary and most of them, even the more difficult ones, bring great joy and depth to my life, but it's easy to see why I felt overwhelmed.
But I have found my focus:
My Savior
I have come to trust the Lord. I've found that I can depend on him. When I feel like I might fall which I do quite often, He picks me back up, stables me and cheers me on. He gives me the strength to keep going. Through Him I am able to see what I am working towards. Goals that used to seem impossible have become achievable. This clip reminds my so much of my relationship with the Savior.
I am so grateful that He noticed me from amongst the rocks and that He is taking the time to lift me up and help me find my balancing point. He is ever patient with me and I am so grateful for His love and His faith in me.I am still in the process of finding my balancing point. At times, daily, I wobble but I believe that one day with the Saviors help I too will be able to stand on my own as someone who is confident and beautiful.
